We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
