i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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