i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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