You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
