Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
