I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
