Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How external is "for external use only"?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
