are you so shy because you have an std?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
