I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
