Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
