the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize