Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
