can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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