Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
