Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
