i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
