Are we in a gay sports bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
