tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize