I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
