6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
