"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize