if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
