I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's blow job season.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
