I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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