Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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