All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
