I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
