Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
