I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
