I got chris browned last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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