Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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