the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
