I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
