I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
