How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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