OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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