apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
