I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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