i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
