I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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