Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
