I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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