Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
