My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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