just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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