Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize