Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
