Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
