He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
