My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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