Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
