Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
