i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
