Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
