hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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