that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
