even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
