No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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