You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
