I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just cropdusted the office
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
