So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
