Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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